I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need a burrito and a hug.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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