no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
