The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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