He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
