I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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