sarcasm needs its own font
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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