Where did you get a picture of my penis
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
