Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
no you cant smoke seaweed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
