I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
