a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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