Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
soo... how was my night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
