what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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