Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
