Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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