get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
