She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
