Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
