Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
