Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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