He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
