Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
