You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the day after is always just damage control
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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