i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
