As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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