Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
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Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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