In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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