She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
