I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
