He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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