I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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