how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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