I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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