we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
