I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
