what day is it and did you see me today?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
