how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
