turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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