you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
