The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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