there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
