the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
