AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
