He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize