Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
