i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
