well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
