All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize