Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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