I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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