There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
