Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize