i just had sex bonerless
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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