note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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