Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬