dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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