I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Even my vagina gasped.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
