since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
