I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
