its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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