awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
