either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
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Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
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