Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize