I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
