I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
