dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
