you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
