Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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