It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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