i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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