I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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