Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
