Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
