you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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