***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
