I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
