Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
