don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
