someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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