I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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