If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
