there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
