I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
