Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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