i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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