Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
